In a funk

I'm in a funk over some personal stuff that is happening with my "friends." I feel betrayed, let down, and unsure of who I can trust. I wonder what it is about me that turns people off. I wonder if the people I've thought were my friends really are. I just don't know anymore.
I feel the need to find new friends, but that's easier said than done. And I don't want to seem needy. I've recently become friendlier with a few new ladies and I hope that matures. But I worry that I'll seem to needy, or seem like I'm trying to bust into their friendship and it will all blow up in my face.
These are the times I wish I could just curl into a ball and forget that other people exist. It's sometimes easier to not have friends than deal with the hurt that they cause you.

Moving Rapidly

The sweater is moving very rapidly. I already have the back done and am working on the front. I truly hate doing stripes (I can't believe I did this voluntarily) because I despise all the ends. Most of these stripes are only 2 rows so it's hard to knit the ends in. It should be interesting when I seam the sweater, which I am considering doing on a machine. We'll have to see.
My good friend, the one I made the dress for her daughter, saw the picture on my blog. I didn't get the package sent in time for her birthday tomorrow, but that's OK. She's going to look adorable in it, even if it arrives late.
The kids have been especially good today, not driving me crazy at all. That's good, because I feel exhausted, and we have a double header baseball game tonight. I have to go grocery shopping during the second game, or we'd be doing it at 10:00 at night. I HAVE to shop while we are already in town because gas is running around $4.20 a gallon here.
The dog just brought me a present.....a dead mouse. Gross.

The nails are gone

I took off my acrylic nails last night. I was getting frustrated with them lifting, and they even looked like crap after the last fill. So I worked on them during the baseball games and got them off. It hurt a little, but I really think I feel better not having them. My nails look awful right now but they will grow out and I will take better care of them now that I don't bite my nails any more. Another benefit is that I can type decently again and I don't have to backspace as much to fix my mistakes.
I got some yarn in the mail today that I bought to make a little vest for a friend who is having a baby boy in August. She will totally love it, and I will bet she asks me to make another for her other son who is almost 4.
I've been crocheting a bunch of dishcloths just for quick projects. It's good to increase my crocheting skills too. It's not something I really enjoy but it's a nice diversion from the monotony of B's tiger socks. I'm really not enjoying them and I think I'll cast on the baby vest right away just to have a less boring project going. I seemed to have chosen a bunch of boring stuff all at the same time.
I made some other cute stuff for another friend who has never even acknowledged receiving them. It's very frustrating. I guess I should ask her, but she's an internet friend and I'd have to post it on the bulletin board. My knitting for certain people has caused some controversy over there but I really don't care. I get to choose who I knit for, and I am a lot closer to some of these ladies than others. Most of them I have known for over 4 1/2 years, since we were all pregnant together.

Family Frustrations

I talked to my dad last night for Father's Day. A little background....up until October of last year, he lived in Guam for more than 20 years. So I've only seen him usually 1-2 times a year for a few days, except for the year we both lived in Hawaii. He promised when he retired he'd come visit us for a nice long visit, which still hasn't happened yet. He always has some excuse, which usually revolves around my little sister's schedule. Mind you, she's 25 and in the Army in Korea, but I digress. He did come for 2 days a few months ago but it was a whirwind visit. While he was here, he offered to pay 1/2 of our plane tickets down there because he thought it was easier for a family of 5 to travel to Arizona then for 2 of them to put their dogs in a kennel and come visit us. We even said if they wanted to drive they could bring the dogs. Apparently not good enough either. Well, we have a very full July coming up, and because we've decided to put the kids in private school next year we need to save our pennies because it isn't cheap. So I doubt we are going to Arizona. He said yesterday that they MIGHT be coming up whenever my sister is on TDY at Fort Lewis (about 2 1/2 hrs away from here) but I can't cfount on that. Always their travel schedule revolves around here, even though they just saw her for a month and my stepmom just got back from seeing her in Korea. I'm so tired of being second fiddle.
Another thing is that my only living grandparent, my Dad's mom, is very sick. She has had emphysema for many many years and her body is just getting tired. I haven't seen her in a few years, but my Dad is trying to arrange this visit here/with sister/with grandma all at the same time, and she really needs him now. It turns out that my Mom went down there this weekend and is actually visiting with my grandma as we speak. It's sure nice that my mom, who has been divorced from my dad for over 25 years, still visits my grandma when she is in the area. I need to get a trip down there scheduled but since our July is so busy with kids camps and stuff, I don't know when and if I can do it. I'd ideally like to take a trip there alone but that's another thing that may not happen.
I'm knitting on the Spice Boy socks and not completely thrilled with the pattern. Now that I know about how many stitches around to make socks for the boys, I think I can do just about anything and get away with it. I also finally put some sock pictures up on my Ravelry page.

Mini Vacation

So yesterday we went to Seattle to catch a Mariners game. It was bobblehead night, which was an added bonus. It wasn't at ALL like the year we went on Ichiro bobblehead night, we got there at like 6:15 and didn't have to wait in line forever. There were plenty of Adrian Beltre bobbleheads to go around. We had some gift cards to spend at the store, so Dan and I each got a t shirt and the kids got some goodies. Then we went up to our seats. It was a cold night, and we only lasted until about 9:45 before we left. It was the end of the 7th inning, and the Mariners were down 7-6. We listened to the end on the radio and it ended just like we left it.
We drove back today, after making a few stops to shop. We stopped at Cabela's, the only one in the Northwest, and possibly on the west coast. Dan got some nice jeans and we got a cute sign for the house. Then we went to Walmart where I restocked my pharmacy. I always do that when we go there.
We had also stopped at Michaels the day before where I got some more stuff I'm using to make the name tags for VBS. I can't wait to show them to Sue tomorrow, I hope she is happy with the job I'm doing. It was fun. VBS is next week and I'm the designated photographer. I like that job because I can walk around and have fun and not be tied down to one group. I'm also going to help the kitchen ladies as needed serving snacks. Dan is going to put together a slide show for the final night of the pictures I take. We are also giving each kid a picture of themselves with a frame they make for it. I know most of the kids, but it will be a challenge to get pictures of the ones I don't know. I think I need to find a way to keep track just in case I forget who they are.
I was traumatized Friday on our drive up. We were driving along, up the freeway when the cars in front of us suddenly braked. Dan braked, but I didn't know what was going on. Turns out a dog had run out on the freeway. The dog managed to make it safely across our 4 lanes of traffic, then he jumped the median to cross the other side. He made it across one lane before meeting up with the wheels of a semi truck. Unfortunately my eyes caught the whole thing and it was just awful. I love animals and I hate seeing them hurt, but there was nothing this truck driver could do. It was a very busy time on the road and it was just bad luck. I hope that soon that memory will be gone from my head.
Today I was very tired and sore from 2 days in the car, and the hike to the ball field. I'm glad to be back in my own bed. That is why I'd rather not go on vacations. I end up not sleeping well and consequently hurting a lot.
I finished my Mockery socks (no photo yet) and started some Spice Boy socks for B. His birthday is coming up in a month and he has been asking me to make him socks for a long time now. I started them yesterday and knit the toes about 5 times. The pattern uses a short row toe and I just think that I can't do them right. Last time I made a pattern by the same designer, I ended up making a standard toe. I didn't give in this time but I'm not totally happy with how the toe turned out on the first sock. Oh well, I'm not ripping them out one more time.

Dress Finished

Annabelle's dress is done and in plenty of time for her birthday. Using this yarn (Elle Pure Gold DK) was interesting. It's a bit splitty but very soft and luxurious. It's 100% courelle, which is a type of acrylic. It supposedly doesn't pill and after I blocked it it was as soft as butter. I was worried about the bottom curling as it didn't have any garter or seed stitch to help it lie flat, but since the pattern basically starts right away it was OK. I was supposed to pick up stitches around the neckline and knit them, but I decided to try my hand at crochet instead. I always say I hate crocheting, but it sure made the trim on the neckline and armholes easy. I may do it more often. I'm also motivated to try my hand at a crochet project. Someday, that is. When I was done, I decided to make her a little hat too. They live in Las Vegas so it couldn't be a warm hat or anything, so I decided to make a beret. It's pretty stretchy, so I tried it on Hennessy for her to model.
I'm supposed to put ribbon through the eyelets, but I'm not sure I have anything that will work. I have to go into town tomorrow so I'll try to find something that will work then.
Now, I have 3 projects OTN and I don't want to work on any of them. It's too hot to work on my sweater, I'm bored to tears working on Hennessy's skirt, and I'm at the point on my socks where I'm bored to tears. So I need to find a new project and I'm not sure what to do, I guess I'll have to cruise Ravelry until I find something I can't live without.

Winding Down

School is winding down and I am SO done with being a homeschool mom. It has made me unpleasant, cranky, and bitchy too much of the day. My kids need space from me, and I need space from them. I know we have to make it through the summer still, but at least I don't have to bug them about doing schoolwork. We have 5 school days left.
My baby is done with her first year of preschool and I'm actually sad about it. She had the best teacher in the world, Miss Jeannie, but Miss Jeannie and her family are moving to China. It would make it a long trip to take her to preschool. We are weighing our options, and the best one is to put her in the same school the boys will be attending. The good part is that is is full day preschool, 3 days a week M-W-F. She would be able to ride the bus with them and I'd have 3 days to myself. On the flip side, it costs over $200 a month. There are 2 small preschool options here, they would be 2 days a week for 2 1/2 hours for around $75 a month. I think that the full day thing is a bargain if I l0ok at their prices. Our plan is to save as much money as we can over the summer and if we can get the full years tuition all together by August 1, we'd get a discount and have her tuition all paid up for the year. Then we'd only have to worry about paying the tuition for the boys every month. It's scary to think about so much money going out of our budget every month but I think it's worth it. Money will be really tight. We can do it though.
We are going to a Mariners game next weekend. I'm excited, but right now all I can think about is how much money the trip is going to cost us. Dan's work will pay mileage, and for the hotel (he is going to do some work up there) but we have to pay for food and for stuff at the game, and the kids always want souvenirs. Maybe they'll just have to forego them this year because of the money situation. I hate that though.
On the knitting front, I'm working on a pair of socks (Mockery Socks) and the Hey Mickey skirt for Cee-Cee. I think I made it a bit too long but hopefully she'll grow a few inches over the summer. It's a little slow going and lots of purling, which I hate. I have to alternate between the two to not lose my mind. I don't have any new projects in mind. I also have my Mr. Greenjeans
on the needles but it's too warm to work on it much. I'm at the sleeves which are boring too.

I've been thinking a lot......

My topic of the day is advice. Lately, I've been involved in several situations where unwanted advice has been given. In one case, it was me giving the unwanted advice. And it wasn't even advice, just expressions of concern, and it ruined a very close friendship. I'm terribly sorry I ever said anything and I wish there was a way to repair the damage. I've tried, and so far it just hasn't worked. What I did was a big mistake and I've vowed to never give advice when it's not asked for.
People always want to give advice. They think that they have better ideas than you, or ideas that you might not have thought of yourself. In most cases, people do it out of love, but I'm to the point where I don't want to hear it from people. I'm doing the best I can to make the best decisions for my family and I don't want to hear from other people who think I am making the wrong ones. I don't always agree with the decisions my friends and family make, but I sit back and keep my mouth shut. I wish more people would just do that.
Unwanted advice hurts friendships. Even if it doesn't destroy them, it puts cracks in their foundation. Everyone is just doing the best they can with the cards they hold. Why do we as a society think that we have better advice to offer? We don't always know all the details surrounding a decision so we don't have all the information to understand a decision. And just because I wouldn't make that decision, doesn't mean that it's not right for someone else.
From now on, I'm only giving advice when someone asks for it. And I'm not going to get upset if they don't follow it if they do ask for it. I only wish the rest of the world would follow suit.

Stay Tuned.....

My blog suffered greatly when I started homeschooling my boys. The school year is almost over, and so is my term as a homeschooling mom. They are going to a private Christian school next year.
So I should have more time for blogging soon. So stay tuned.....

I want another one!

That is what my 3 year old is screaming in the background. She wants another cheese sandwich. Because somehow she has come to the conclusion that if the piece of bread breaks, the sandwich is poisonous and she needs another one. She's howling. She won't just eat the cheese, she won't eat it without the missing piece of bread.
So I take the said sandwich, break the slice of bread in half, and put the sandwich (albeit a bit smaller) back together for her. She seems pleased for a second, then starts to cry "I don't want a little one."
I can't win against a 3 year old.........

Butterfly Toes

My first published pattern, and you too can download it!
Butterfly Toes Baby Socks

P.S.

The monkey is off my back. I finished the Argyle Vest with a week to spare. He's even worn it once. He better keep on wearing it. It was a real labor of love.

Long time no blog

I think I used this post title before. Oh well, it's the truth. Since my trip to the ER I still haven't felt completely myself, then the kids have been sick, etc. Last week it was B with a sinus infection, this week was Cee-Cee with a stomach bug that had her throwing up curdled chocolate milk in the car. Grosser than gross, I tell you. Poor kid couldn't keep anything down for 24 hours but she's better now. She had chocolate milk this morning and all of it stayed inside her. I feel like celebrating!
Last weekend my mom and I did a little yarn crawl and visited 4 yarn shops. I bought stuff in only 2, which was seriously restrained. I love yarn shopping and could have spent a ton of money, but alas, I didn't have it. I did buy 3 skeins of LL Shepherd Worsted to make a Neckdown Bolero for Cee-Cee.

I'm going to do the trim in Chocolate, but I won't post that skein since it just mainly looks like the brown part of this skein. I got the pattern yesterday. I wound up the yarn (or should I say, Cee-Cee wound while I directed) but won't let myself start until I finish the Baby Hat from One Skein. I need to send it off to a friend in Canada who is going to have her daughter prematurely any time now. She's been very sick and in the hospital for weeks. She has a daughter with special needs who is the same age as Cee-Cee so I know it's been tough on her.
I got new glasses yesterday. My first pair of bifocals are causing me to walk around like I'm drunk and I feel seasick. I hope I get used to them soon. Good thing my old glasses are in good shape so I can switch back if I feel too yucky. I love the new frames though, and I also got a pair of sunglasses. Different frames, but they are lovely too.
I think the kids and I are going to make cookies or pastries or something this weekend. Since it's Easter Sunday, I'd like the snack table at church to be full of homemade goodies instead of the packaged crap that's shown up a lot lately. Maybe we'll make cupcakes or muffins. I had a good cupcake recipe but it's been misplaced.
I have test knitters for my socks and as soon as I can get a little more feedback, I'm going to publish the pattern. I think I'll give it away free since it's my first. I'd like to get into designing a little more but we'll see how this one goes. I've received good feedback that has helped with my pattern writing skills.

Been Sick

I had DH take me to the ER on Monday night after I couldn't stand the nausea anymore. I was also having pain in my upper abdomen. Several hours later (after an IV, lots of blood drawn, morphine, and a ultrasound) I was sent home. I saw my PCP on Wednesday, and they are leaning toward the possibility of an ulcer but I still don't have any definite answers yet. I feel much better finally and almost normal. Not quite, but almost.
I've had some time to knit, and finished a Koolhaas hat for a friend of mine. Turns out her birthday was yesterday (I didn't know) so I'll have a nice gift for her. I'm also making her a pair of socks which will probably be a late gift. She's pregnant with #3 so I expect she needs some pampering.
I did work about 5 rounds on DH's argyle sweater yesterday. I need to do about 2 more inches of plain stockinette before I start any shaping. This is the most boring part. I should just get it done though and get the monkey off my back.

Out of Town

Dan had to go to Seattle on Friday, so the kids and I decided to tag along. We left Thursday afternoon, after much ado (the kids were being nightmares, packing was awful, the dog took off and wouldn't come home, etc). We got to our hotel around 8:30 and still had to make a trip to Walmart that evening. All said, everyone got to bed around 11 and I slept like crap. I always do when we are away from home. Sometimes I wonder why I ever leave.
Dan had to go to the Kent training center Friday morning, so the kids and I just hung out in the hotel since he took the car. I had brought the boys' schoolwork along but I wasn't feeling well so we didn't do anything productive. Dan finished up around noon and we went to lunch and shopping at Ikea. I wanted to spend a ton of money, but we made it out of there for under $60, and that included buying a hanging pot rack which I'm really excited about. We came back to the hotel for nap time (and I really needed one). We went to dinner at Claim Jumper, and it's a good thing Dan found out you can make reservations online. It was busy when we got there, but seriously packed when we left. I ordered tri-tip, which I normally love but I only about about 1/3 of it. I just don't feel good. I think I'm getting the flu. Dan had fried chicken which was better than my steak was. The kids had the usual kiddy kind of stuff like burgers, corn dogs, and mac and cheese. We tried to go bowling after that, but 3 bowling alleys later (all full of leagues) we ended up coming back to the hotel. The kids played with the toys they got at Walmart and Dan and I just watched TV. I guess we are just boring.
I finished the two Santa Cruz hats I was working on, one for my friend Tracie and one for her daughter. I'm seriously not sure about the instructions. I followed the instructions for the worsted weight, to the T, and it's definitely baby size. I used the sock instructions to make an adult sized hat and while it's on the big side, the other one is way to small. Maybe the girl who wrote the pattern has a really small head. Good thing I've knit lots and lots of hats before, and checked Ravelry for other people's experiences.
I'll get some pictures tomorrow when we get home.

Knitting Time

Ever since I started homeschooling my boys, my knitting time has been severely limited. But I managed to finish several things since Christmas, and I'm happy with that.
First, I made some Fingerless Gloves for Kimmy. She is my friend whose house flooded. She, her husband, her 2 year old son, her cat, and 3 dogs stayed with us for about 3 weeks. She saw some gloves that our friend Andrea had that were similar, so she asked me to make her a pair.

I ran out of yarn in the middle (FYI, it's Bernat Cashmere Blends), so when I got some more I picked up an extra skein just in case. I used it to make her a Halley's Comet Hat to go along with it. The picture below is not Kimmy, but my mom who tried it on so I could post it on Ravelry.

I also made another pair of Fingerless Gloves in a different pattern for my bestest friend Kari. I made these with Bernat Alpaca Blend in a similar pink color. I may have just enough hat to make her a hat too.
On January 1st, I decided to start a new pair of socks, so I decided to make some Firestarters. I finished them pretty quickly, but they would have gone faster if I didn't get a bit of SSS. It's inevitable I guess.

In November, Kari's mom asked me to make some fingerless gloves for her to go along with her clown costume. I've been putting off finishing the 2nd one because they have very short fingers and the fingers are complicated. I finally finished those on Friday night at 1:30 AM. I'm glad to have that monkey off my back. Kari is going to visit her mom on Saturday so I needed to have them done before she left.

Right now, I just started on another hat for another friend, Nicole. I'm designing it myself and it's going to be called "Pucker Up Nicole". Hopefully it will turn out OK. I'm also working on some Pomatomous socks for myself, and random dishcloths whenever I feel bored.

Long Time No Post

I've just been so busy.
In November, Dan and I were baptized and we joined our church, Vernonia Christian Church. As new members sometimes it feels overhwelming. Especially since the flood happened so soon after we joined. We wanted to be involved in the church but might have bit off more than we could chew.
I was asked to start a ministry of serving coffee and cookies/goodies each Sunday. I enjoy it on the whole but it does take up time. I have to go the night before and get the coffee all ready to brew or I'd have to get there really early in the morning. Usually volunteers bring in the goodies in the AM, and I start the coffee/hot water and arrange the goody trays. Then after service (which means I always end up staying quite late), I have to clean up the mess. Usually the table cloths are a mess so I have to take them home to wash. I have to empty and clean the pots, etc. It didn't seem like it would be a lot of work but that's not how it has happened.
Dan has set up the sound system in the new church (our sanctuary was flooded and now we hold church in what used to be the youth and family center, but it's basically a large gymnasium.) I am singing with the "choir" although I really wouldn't call it a choir. It's just a group of people who lead the singing each week. Unfortunately it has caused me some frustration this week but I'm going to work through that. I enjoy singing and don't want to quit because it's not as easy as I thought it would be. Plus, I love my friend Kari who plays the piano and I want to help her out.
It's been a sucky week for me. I've felt really crappy, I've been sick and I can't get over it. I have a headache to end all headaches. I can't sleep when I want to so I'm chronically tired.
My doctor ordered me some new medicine that I hope will make a difference but insurance is going to be poopy about it. I have to get a preauthorization and that's going to take time. I just found out there's a hold up on my medications too and I'm completely out of my muscle relaxants. That might mean a painful weekend unfortunately. And of course, it's a long weekend.
Garrett's state report is coming up due and I just dread it. He wanted to do California, but our little library didn't have much information so we switched to Alaska because there were several good books on Alaska there. I just can't stomach the drive into town to the big library. School has been a challenge lately and the boys aren't completely cooperative. One gets mad if the other finishes earlier than they do but I can't work with both at the same time. They both need personal attention and it makes the school day hard. Today Dan stayed home and did Brendyn's school while I worked with Garrett. That was really nice.